Boundaries have a weird stigma and often have a negative connotation. Others can interpret it as an attack on their needs which can cause conflict in a situation. They may pester you by asking “why?” to give themselves closure on your answer. When you respond with no, or a simple “because that is what I want”, the other party interprets the reason as invalid and [most likely] will continue to argue because they are not getting their way.
When was the last time you had to make a decision about a boundary? Was it saying yes to picking up a shift when you really should give yourself a break from work? Or when you make an impulse decision on something that you should have given yourself a few days to think about?
Having boundaries takes strength. If you don’t have the might to hold them up, people will walk all over you. Saying “no” to picking up that extra shift or taking some time to think about a big decision can honestly be scary because of not knowing what will happen next, versus when you say yes to get that instant gratification and give in to their needs, rather than your own and knowing the outcome.
When we are young, we are instilled to be selfless. To be “considerate of others” and that selfishness is bad. Yes, caring for others and doing good is important to value, but we forget to value ourselves at the end of the day. Selfishness and selflessness clash on that barrier you want to set and there can only be one winner. Remember that sometimes you need to make sacrifices, and also that you are the “main character” of your life, and have the power to do what you want and say no when you want to, and yes when you want to.
Next time you say no, or want to wait on a decision, remember what boundary you may have in that situation. If the other party will not respect it, then it isn’t meant to be anyway.
xoxo, triple tea
