Unpopular opinion: You can still have a memorable trip without a travel companion.
In 2022 I traveled to Europe twice. Since (at the time) COVID was pretty much over, I had a terrible travel itch that needed scratching. As countries were reopening, I figured this would be my chance. “Who would come with me?” would be the question holding me back. I had no significant other then, and my girlfriends (including myself), had full-time jobs. I asked around and no one took my bait. It was either “I don’t have time off” or “I already have my PTO planned this year”. Frustrated, I said “F*** it” and began researching solo travel.
Besides researching destinations, I tapped into learning about the female solo travel experience. I had two inspirations that led me down this road…
1. The Solo Female Travelers Facebook Group: This community connected me with women worldwide who have embarked on solo journeys to places near and far from their homes. The wealth of knowledge from this group strongly shapes how I travel (solo or with a companion) today.
2. What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding: A Memoir: The author Kristin Newman is a sitcom writer and solo traveler. Her memoir speaks to how lonely adulthood after college can be and how traveling (which was what I was experiencing from graduating college during COVID and how socializing has dramatically changed) may help you find what you are “looking for”.
So, I booked my tickets to Lisbon, Portugal. I’ll spare you the details (you can read about my experiences in my Portugal Part series) but it was amazing. I was empowered, excited, anxious (in a good way), and soaked in the culture more than I ever would with a companion. When I came back I was addicted, anxious, and determined to get my next adventure planned.
I booked my next trip for Christmas and New Year’s of 2022. I went to Brussels (Christmas), Paris (New Year’s Eve/Day), and Amsterdam (to explore). This trip was iconic (literally). I saw many famous places, but the most memorable was being at the Arc de Triomphe when the clock chimed midnight on New Year’s. No other New Year’s celebrations will ever top that in my lifetime.
Rewinding to the day I left, my Mom was driving me to the airport. As we were pulling up to the gate she turned to me and said “Rachel, you don’t have to do this alone. Don’t you want to enjoy travel with someone?” and I brushed it off. I love doing this I thought I won’t always be traveling solo. But what she said stuck with me.
Each time I returned, I grew more fiercely independent. I took great pride in doing things alone. Why? Because I didn’t have to wait for anybody. The time was mine for the taking. But that halted when I returned from my New Year’s solo trip.
Months after that trip I was planning a third, but I was in a pretty bad car accident with a bad concussion and had to buy a new car which left me strapped for cash. With that time, I did reflect on my solo adventures heavily and realized those trips were more soul-searching than anything.
Here are some of my soul-search findings:
1. That I CAN: Cliche, but when I put my mind to doing this, I accomplished it and made memories that I’ll never forget. People thought I was crazy saying “I can’t do this”, to them I said, “Just watch me”.
2. That I AM NOT AFRAID: I was extremely anxious. With reassurance backed by my research and planning, affirmations, prayer, and embracing the unknown opened my mind to experiences that I may not have embarked on alone.
3. I am not ALONE: There are TONS of solo backpackers in Europe from all over the world with the same intention; to soak in new cultures and experience things on their own time. Plus, they made great friends on the trips.
4. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone: As lonely as solo travel sounds, I never felt less alone. On both of my trips, I stayed in hostels and every solo traveler craved that comradery through various hostel gatherings/outings. We were alone, and together.
I didn’t know my intentions for these trips until years after my solo travels. I was craving companionship, which was something I lacked at home.
In the memoir What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding, the author Kristin Newman was facing a similar dilemma. She was embarking on solo trips to avoid her relationship problems back home, and to cope with her friends getting married and starting families when she had none. Throughout the book she slowly opens her heart up to experiences abroad and back home, and that YOU CAN be dependent on someone and still be independent in other avenues of life. At the end of her memoir, she meets her now-husband who she grows a family and life with, while she still invests in her career and travel.
Honestly, I always thought I would have to choose. To choose between wanting a life partner and family, or having a career. My travels taught me that I CAN have a partner, family, and career. My travels taught me that I SHOULDN’T be afraid of love and dependency. My travels taught me that I AM NOT ALONE in how I feel as a young woman trying to find her way. My travels taught me that LIFE ISN’T MEANT TO BE LIVED ALONE because there is goodness in people and I’ve gotten lucky with all the amazing people in my life.
So book the trip. Fall in love. Be bold. Be scared. Most importantly: YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
